“Some people ship Hanji and Rivai you know”

“Eh, but that’s not my ship! I’m for IrvinxRivai! Hot headed people work best with calm and collected ones.” I replied with a meaningful look. 

I should know. I haven’t punched anyone in rage for almost 5 years (3 days more to 5 years). 

I have a new favorite from Body Shop called Spiced Vanilla (Body butter). It got a very toned down scent that I like. Just smelling it somehow calms me down.

I keep a small container in my bag always because I don’t like the feeling of having dry skin. It’s all in my head, I know. But often nowadays from it being propped on top of pillows my feet will hit the ground running as soon as I wake up. So I also keep some sort of moisturizer/lotion with me ALWAYS. You know, just in case. This “just in case” happened last weekend. I had things to fix at work before going to our usual “date night” which is mostly watching tv series or anime. This season we’re watching Devil Survivor 2 and Shingeki no Kyojin. We’re like lazy cats on weekends, really. 

So on this date night, I was applying some body butter on me when my partner came in and said :

“That smells nice, it smells like play dough”

My initial reaction was

 (;*△*;) I SMELL LIKE CLAY?!?!

But I guess it does smell like it a bit. 

Ah, this is a gas mask my boyfriend bought in a fashion store in Japan. I think it’s very cool :3

Trying it on triggered some fear of not being able to breathe though. I was surprised :)) 

I’m buried with paperwork for my mother recently. I was calculating stuff and I didn’t notice my baby brother come in, probably just got home from school. 

He kissed me on the cheek and it took me 5 seconds to process it. Then my reflex reaction kicked and I went “Ewww, why you do that?!?!”

He went “Tch, you liked it anyway”. 

And when he left and I was alone with just those formidable pile of papers that’ve been giving me a migraine, I cried from so much feels.

If raising a baby brother feels this nice, maybe a child of your own feels nicer. 

Maybe. 

Or was it New Year’s? I don’t remember anymore. 

We went to mass with his family. I think prior to going to mass, before I even met up with him I was working on something. And I guess I forgot to eat. I keep on forgetting important things recently. 

There are times when I really don’t remember if I’ve eaten. My partner says this might be because of some issue with myself. Maybe I don’t respect me, so I don’t eat by default. All these health issues are coming back to haunt me now. I should’ve believed that “health is wealth”.

Anyway we were standing outside the church, and we’re about to greet each other with a “sign of peace”. Between us two, it’s a peck in the cheek. He might’ve gotten that from his parents.  I think it’s cute!

It was sweet but, at the very moment his lips touched my cheek my eyesight grew dark. I couldn’t hear properly and I collapsed. 

The next moments were embarrassing of course!

But at least my boyfriend now got the chance to tell future children or grandchildren, if we ever end up together forever and after that “I made her faint once just by kissing her ;)”

If there’s one thing I learned recently, it’s the fact that I got a limit.  That sometimes, will power is not enough. And that when you constantly push (physical, emotional) limits there’d be a set back. You lose perspective, your ability to think logically which will lead only to more, well, shit. And because I keep on forgetting I’m just human of course my health suffers too. (Damned cyberbody still not available in the market, sheesh! Think of the time I can save by not eating!) 

Things like that. The start of this year really hit me hard. It was a K.O. though I fought hard. Not intelligently though. 

I guess when you keep on walking and you’re not getting to the destination you want you’re probably lost. And it’s okay to stop. It’s okay to rest. It’s okay to turn around, admit you can’t find your way and ask for help. It’s okay to make unintentional mistakes. 

It’s okay to retrace. And it’s okay to start again. 

My younger brother , who is in his third year in high school asked me these questions earlier.

Nico: Ate, how many boyfriends did you had before kuya Chase?

Me: *with a very proud stance and voice* NONE! HA! He’s my first and forevurrrrr

Nico: *ignoring my ravings* Is that supposed to be good? Or bad?

 The Thousandth Man

One man in a thousand, Solomon says,
Will stick more close than a brother.
And it’s worth while seeking him half your days
If you find him before the other.
Nine hundred and ninety-nine depend
on what the world sees in you,
But the Thousandth Man will stand your friend
With the whole round world agin you.

‘Tis neither promise nor prayer nor show
Will settle the finding for ‘ee.
Nine hundred and ninety-nine of ‘em go
By your looks or your acts or your glory.
But if he finds you and you find him,
The rest of the world don’t matter;
For the Thousandth Man will sink or swim
With you in any water.

You can use his purse with no more shame
Than he uses yours for his spendings;
And laugh and mention it just the same
As though there had been no lendings.
Nine hundred and ninety-nine of ‘em call
For silver and gold in their dealings;
But the Thousandth Man he’s worth ‘em all,
Because you can show him your feelings!

His wrong’s your wrong, and his right’s your right,
In season or out of season.
Stand up and back it in all men’s sight -
With that for your only reason!
Nine hundred and ninety-nine can’t bide
The shame or mocking or laughter,
But the Thousandth Man will stand by your side
To the gallows-foot - and after!

I half carried, half dragged 100 yards of oxford cloth (black, of course. To be made in to bags) from Ilaya to 168 mall, where my brother with our car is waiting at Divisoria today.

I would’ve asked my brother to help me carry it but he left his phone at home. I would’ve hired someone to carry it but there’s no one around available. So I just woman-ed it up. 

I felt like I’m Batman, Superman, Ironman and Sailor Moon at the same time when I reached the steps of 168Mall. And now I am very tired. I feel like I aged 3 years. XD

DON’T GO to Divisoria from now till January 2. It’s a battlefield at the moment. 

We were walking towards his car, my eyes pointed towards the sky. It was beautiful that night. Barely first quarter so the stars are more distinct. Aah, it’s been a long time since I’ve stared at the night sky. Recently I spend my PMs indoors, eyes on some pattern or fabric.

I think he was starting to open the door of the passenger side when I saw it - a shooting star. 

“Ah, dammit! I didn’t make a wish!” was all I managed to exclaim.

“You can still make one, you know”.

But then I realized that at that moment, I have no wishes to make at all.